Post by Sosa on Apr 23, 2006 9:58:28 GMT -5
Greetings to all of you, my name is Sosa and I am a representative of the Aht Urghen Whitegate Customs Department. Today we will be opening up a dialogue about the mass hysteria that has befallen the motherland, sweeping the citizens of our peaceful city away in an unfathomable tide of outsiders.
First off, it has come to my recent attention that many of the mercenary scum have begun to complain about the conditions of our boats used in the ferry system. I would like to address this concern by reminding all of you that it is by her highest honor's gracious generosity that we allow you filthy indidels within our borders, and to be packed into a fish crate so tight as to not be capable of movement is the highest honor an outsider such as you should wish for.
However, due to international requirments to maintain a basic level of sanitary conditions for Al Zhabi resisdents on board the vessles we operate in the emperess' most incredible fleet, we will be addressing your concerns in the following manner:
We hope that you will find these regulations to your benefit, as they were instated to assist in making your travels safer and more enjoyable. For comments, please report to the front desk of the "Dissident Elimination/reAssignment Department" (DEAD) to speak with a representive who will handle your concerns.
-Sosa, the Iron Fist of Ferryboat Cap'ns.
First off, it has come to my recent attention that many of the mercenary scum have begun to complain about the conditions of our boats used in the ferry system. I would like to address this concern by reminding all of you that it is by her highest honor's gracious generosity that we allow you filthy indidels within our borders, and to be packed into a fish crate so tight as to not be capable of movement is the highest honor an outsider such as you should wish for.
However, due to international requirments to maintain a basic level of sanitary conditions for Al Zhabi resisdents on board the vessles we operate in the emperess' most incredible fleet, we will be addressing your concerns in the following manner:
1) Upon recieving your ticket to Aht Urghen Whitegates, you will be given a three digit number to identify you as mercenary sc-I mean, "visiting tourists." This number is provided to assist us in identifying you, since all of you adventurers from the middlelands look alike.
2) When you present your boarding pass to the attendant on board the ferry, you will calmly proceed in an orderly fassion to the depository located in the central corridore of the ferry, which will take note of your current posisions and confiscate them for the duration of the trip. This is, of course, for your own security. Dissidents will be lit aflame to serve as an example to others.
3) Approximately 5 minutes prior to departure, the attendants on the ferry will begin to call you out by your registered "tourist" number. This will be done in a fair and equal manner, by selecting each tourist at complete random, excluding Galka, who will automatically be called because they smell like ox cheese that has been left to dry in the desert sun for three years.
4) Those infidels whose numbers were called will proceed to the top of the ferry platform in an orderly fassion, to be tossed into the open sea. If you cannot swim, we suggest you learn quickly. If you can, we will make arrangements to place you on even grounds with those who cannot. This is to ensure the overall fairness of this system. You will not likely need the use of your arms or legs anyway, so stop complaining.
5) In accordance with our "Fairness Policy" for selection as detailed above, Mithra will be exempt from the actions highlighted in passage number four and will instead proceed to deposit their belongings with ferry officials and then report to the captain's quarters for "personal inspection." This inspection is mandetory, and must be done for the safety of all on board. And it must be done nude. No questions.
6) Also in accordance with our safety guidelines, anyone wearing a subligar will automatically be cast into the sea, by default.
2) When you present your boarding pass to the attendant on board the ferry, you will calmly proceed in an orderly fassion to the depository located in the central corridore of the ferry, which will take note of your current posisions and confiscate them for the duration of the trip. This is, of course, for your own security. Dissidents will be lit aflame to serve as an example to others.
3) Approximately 5 minutes prior to departure, the attendants on the ferry will begin to call you out by your registered "tourist" number. This will be done in a fair and equal manner, by selecting each tourist at complete random, excluding Galka, who will automatically be called because they smell like ox cheese that has been left to dry in the desert sun for three years.
4) Those infidels whose numbers were called will proceed to the top of the ferry platform in an orderly fassion, to be tossed into the open sea. If you cannot swim, we suggest you learn quickly. If you can, we will make arrangements to place you on even grounds with those who cannot. This is to ensure the overall fairness of this system. You will not likely need the use of your arms or legs anyway, so stop complaining.
5) In accordance with our "Fairness Policy" for selection as detailed above, Mithra will be exempt from the actions highlighted in passage number four and will instead proceed to deposit their belongings with ferry officials and then report to the captain's quarters for "personal inspection." This inspection is mandetory, and must be done for the safety of all on board. And it must be done nude. No questions.
6) Also in accordance with our safety guidelines, anyone wearing a subligar will automatically be cast into the sea, by default.
We hope that you will find these regulations to your benefit, as they were instated to assist in making your travels safer and more enjoyable. For comments, please report to the front desk of the "Dissident Elimination/reAssignment Department" (DEAD) to speak with a representive who will handle your concerns.
-Sosa, the Iron Fist of Ferryboat Cap'ns.
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