Does this seem right??

[estara]

I have two older brothers; one is cool and plays FFXI (Bigbear, Mr Galka), the other is a moron and has 4 kids at age 26. Recently my moronic brother decided to join the armed forces so that he could "get mechanic training and get the F away from his family". Something seems wrong with that statement.

Further background on my moronic brother:
He got married at about 20, to a woman who already had a kid and was pregnant with another. He later decided it would make him happy to have 2 more children, when he had no steady employment, no education to attain steady employment with, and no residence large enough to hold his family.
He is pretty thoroughly bitter and disappointed with his life at this point. He has wasted the best years of his adulthood working way too hard to support his family. He and his wife fight all the time (they act like children... its disgusting). His 3 daughters are selfish, attention starved brats. His son (the oldest who isn't technically his), is constantly having to take the brunt of my brother's anger. (I do not mean my brother physically abuses my nephew... I would kick his ass if he did... I mean he often verbally abuses him... for which I want to kick his ass...)
So, like I said, moron brother has now joined the armed forces (guard or reserves, don't know which) to escape his family. His wife will be left to take care of 4 kids while he is in training. We (my brother, myself, and my dad) will be settled with the burden of often taking care of their kids. Worse, my brother does not intend to tell his daughters that he is leaving until shortly before he does leave, and he has told my nephew that there is no chance of him seeing combat in Iraq, etc. I promptly told my nephew that wasn't true, because his father cannot guarantee him that.
I'm really pissed at my brother. Both for not telling his daughters what he is doing and for doing it in the first place.

Does it seem selfish to you?


(Sorry about the family rant... I need to blow off a lil' steam somewhere....)

[_Code]

Do you actually want a response? or just blowing off steam? I'll join the conversation (Since there's not many other people on atm anyway ^^).

if you just wanted to get it off your chest. Then thats ok too ^^

_Code

[estara]

go ahead and respond

my brother irritates me... I like bashing on him...

[_Code]

kk, this is my take, an really should be taken with a grain of salt. I dont know any of them involved, so I may be way off base.

I think ultimately this will probably be a good decision on his part, believe it or not. As much as I disagree with the military effect as a whole, it is a good form of dicipline and direction. Both of which he seems to need, from what you've said. I imagine there's alot going through his head, and probably has been since long before he got involved with his wife. So, while it will be an initial burden to the family, not just immediate but the rest of the family as well. I'd venture to say that that breaking him down and rebuilding him is exactly what he needs.

From what you've said, his decision making hasn't been up to par, I'd imagine he probably also has trouble dealing with the problems at hand, rather seeing the goal that he wants without formulating the path he needs to take to get there. ie; "I want a wife and children". Well, he has a wife and children, but he didn't build up the proper foundation to keep that, or start with a good foundation, some would say.

From a male perspective, I could see how he would be bitter and disappointed. Also, I imagine his wife makes her disappointment apparent pretty regularly to him, which i doubt helps the situation. As for his children, the son gets the brunt of it, because he is the only son. The daughters are more then likely coddled, hence the spoiled brat parts. He's still a child himself; it not age wise, then mentally. He doesn't have mindset to be raising children at this point. Again, thats probably down to not having his own sense of direction yet. How can you lead someone if you yourself dont know the way?

As for the daughters, I'm guessing they're less then 6? (married at 20, wife had son, pregnant at the time, he's 26 now?) Frankly, I dont think they would need to hear what he's going to do in whatever part of the world he's going too. No reason to get them worried about what MIGHT happen, when noone really knows what will happen. I think it probably seems selfish, because superficially it is. He's leaving a family at home to "Get away" as he said, but really, I think getting away is exactly what he needs. But its better for him to be getting away into an institutionalized form of structure then say "Getting away" in alcohol, or other women.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not a family person by ANY means. Also, I think Bush is a moron, and too many troops are following the idiot. I'm also not one to preach the good of the military, but every situation has a different answer. Frankly I commend his decision; albeit his spoken reason isn't necessarily the best, I think ultimately it will lead to a better situation, depending on how he takes to the military environment.

_Code

[estara]

you have a few valid points... and I agree... he does need direction etc (in that light my sister-in-law should join the military... she's such a selfish idiot) and this probably will be good for him in the long run. It's they way he's dealing with that really bugs me. He acts like it's something that will only effect himself and that it won't create any kind of burden.

And I agree, the girls are too young to know where he's going and why. I just want him to tell them that he'll be gone for a while. The middle girl, Natasha, has separation anxiety, and he really needs to tell them that he'll be going away now, so that they have time to get used to the idea. Yes, daddy is going to be gone for a while, but he will come back. And you'll still have mommy and grandpa and Uncle Mikal and Aunt Sara. It's too traumatic for them to be suddenly told and then he's gone, without time for them to get used to the idea and question and be reassured. Kids are treated like that all the time and they grow up having relationship issues and coping issues and spend 100000$ on a shirk to fix their heads. Better to not make the problem than fix it later.

[_Code]

well, these responses your expecting are correct. But they're a mature view of the situation and how it should be handled. I think asking for a "Mature view" in this regard is asking a bit much for the person. No offense.

As far as the way he's dealing with it, its his defense mechanism. Wether is machoism, him trying to detatch himself from them or the situation whatever, its his way to deal right now. I'm sure he's probably terrified at what he's gotten himself into, so his little "joke" is a way to deal.

just a thought, I know i'm fucked up in the head, i'm trying to relate.

_Code

[Krazi]

lol, we are all fucked up in the head.


Code you got some good points and I would not have been better at placing them so well. I had a buddy once that was a big mouth, and liked to cause trouble. He is an awesome dude, but was lost in himself. He spent 4 years in the Navy, met a woman, married her, had a kid, and now hes doing great. Has a job, a place to live, and a life to be thankful for. He needed the Navy to move himself forward. He didnt agree with Bush at all but he is happy he took the path he did. I think this is what your bro needs.

[stahn]

It seems like he got suckered by the woman with the kid and one on the way. In no way am I saying it wasnt his fault, I sure as hell would not marry someone with 1 kid, and pregnant (neither of them mine). Especially if I dont even have a job or a house... He kind of screwed himself when he had 2 more kids with her, not to say that them being born is a bad thing. They will just have a pretty messed up childhood from what it sounds like. And I think it is totally wrong for him to take out his problems on the oldest son... be a man and own up to your own mistakes jeeze.

But joining the armed forces could have a posotive affect on him you never know, hoping that he doesent see any action in Iraq or somewhere else. He could come out of it with job training that will get him a steady job, and the dicipline to raise a family. That is if he is actually serious about it and doesent go through the thing half assed.

[Markus]

The really fucked up part is things like that happen all the time. People that are too young, too poor and uneducated have babies.

When I say uneducated, I just mean they don't know wtf they are doing when it comes to raising kids. When I say too poor, they don't have the income to support the children properly. Kids grow up with nothing and resent there parents there entire life for not being able to help them with anything that the majority of kids get help with. School fees, clothes.... food...

Now most of these children end up fucked up, just like there parents. They assume similar bad habits, verbal abuse, physical abuse, drug/alcohol abuse... They are products of the environement...

A minority of these children are hell bent against stopping the trend. They find a way to survive. They find a way of breaking all the bad habits...

Good luck to your family Estara. Everyone should work towards making a better environement for everyone involved, especially the kids.




'I didnt ask for this world. I was given it.'
-Tupac

[estara]

thanks guys

I really hope it is good for them in the long run. I'm just pissed at my brother about how he's dealing with it. It's like me and my other brother (Bigbear, who put in an application ^^) got all the smart genes. Or maybe our oldest brother got smart genes too, but also got a good portion of dumbass genes....

One final thing about telling the little girls: I don't expect they would have a mature response. But I do think they should be given time to get used to the idea. They need it. Otherwise, Brittany and Natasha will feel betrayed and really distressed. Ericka is too young to understand of course (though she is really good at saying "pocket"). I don't think its a good idea to spring that on them, since both girls have gotten in trouble for behaviour problems at school. Emotional distress always makes that worse.

[Kaifu1]

I'm kinda sorry to say this Est... but chances are he will be deployed over seas ; ; The army is way over taxed and is pulling almost a full rotation of garud and reseravist to keep people on the front line health. Its a huge mental stress not having a "Front Line" in war...
I'm tasked to go to Iraq as soon as I get MQT'ed and my CDC's done... May time frame. Body armor and all that packed and ready to go at a phone call.. ho ya Air Force!~

but, before I went through Basic, chances are I would have been in your bros shoes... had a kid and working at the gas station still... Watching people smoke at the pump and wonder why the caught on fire /sigh

[bowmen]

i think ur brother needs to learn to be a man. and wat that means in every extend of the word