So it goes....

[Krazi]

Well as you all know my best friend got fucked over hard core in this virtual world we have lived in for the past year and a half. So many memories.

Anyway to those besides Tempus that I have not told all my personal feelings as of late I must fill you in on some stuff. The last 2 weeks in game have really sucked for me. Aside from killing shit with Tempus I have been plagued with assholes. Most of which were in pt situations. I've had to log out twice because I was so fucking pissed that people for some reason do not think. Some of you probably notice my hostility once in a while in the shell on the days I had a short fuse. I'm sorry. Anyway I had some really bad crafting experiences that I still dont understand. And some things have come up for EO that need to be addressed. BTW, they greatest group of people are working on this. Stick with this shell. It will go places.

Some things you dont know out of game. Locke, you'll be able to relate with me on this one. Same with you Beren. The other day I got and email from my advisor. This email was concering a golf course in town here that was going to hold a Womens Tournament to raise money for the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. They were looking for a graphic artist to design a post card to send out to all their members. There of course would be no pay, but it would be a great reference and a good item to toss in a portfolio. Anyway, what do you think I thought of when i saw this? You guessed it, this is gonna cut into my playtime! Message deleted! Why? WHy? Why? What was I thinking. I may be 2 years from graduation but I am still trying to build a career like Beren and Locke. Pushin shit aside for the game like that should not happen. I really couldnt stop thinking about it for the last 3 days. I logged in a total of 7 mins in 4 days. I had to will to even want to play.

I took sometime and figured to myself I needed to decide what I was gonna do. Some may have seen my options I posted or /telled. But I was toying with the idea of selling all my shit and either quitting, or going beastmaster. Then I could go at my own pace and not have to worry about any pressures.

Then today happened. I seen Miruuks post and school and I could hardly focus the rest of the night. I got home and he was gone. So, I logged in. Mainly out of habit. Or holding onto something I knew was already gone. Miruuk finally came home and we talked about this shit. This "Game." I really cant believe this happened. That these ppl are out there. I'm such a free soul and loving person to be able to believe these ppl exist, especially in a game.

So, this is basically the straw that breaks the camals back.
The main reason I play this game is for my friends. I love you all. Miruuk keep me going. This is not the first time I've thought bout quitting. But I always keep holding onto the fact that the two of us together could do so much once I was to hit 70+ that the game would take on a new face. Now..............my little taru is gone. I refuse to play any longer. There is absolutely NO will now. I'm sorry guys. If I'm gonna game with my bestfriend, Im gonna be doing it sitting in the chair next to him with the 2p controller. Everything I was looking forward to is now gone. Thanks Smurf.

I've rambled long enough for now. I'm really sorry that this had to happen. I love you all and will always think about you for many years to come. Keep it up though. Keep kicking ass and representing the Green! God, now I have a tear on my cheek too. WTF is this? Is this really just a game?

[tempus]

When miruuk said he was quitting, I felt like crying. Now... shit.

-t

[Markus]

FUCK! I am 26, 6 foot 4, 235 lbs...I am often described as rough. So when I say that this shit makes me cry, I kinda feel like a pussy. But then I say shit, you shouldn't feel that way, cause when fucked up shit happened out of game and I needed someone to talk to, bitch to...Miruuk and Krazi were there...Yes I have friends in real life, I just spend so much time in game, that in only makes sense that I express myself in game too...idk...

Some people obsess with leveling, I obsessed with trying to make the shell strong and fair...I guess ultimately I failed, since I too, will never have the free time to run an HNMLS...

It's funny how well you can know someone, without ever actually meeting them...

Krazi you definitely should of done that graphic thingie for ur portfolio. FF will be gone in 10 years, a career...it's so important.

Well here it is, my token "please don't go"...I just have a nasty feeling in my stomach that this time there may be no turning back...

Miruuk and Krazi=EO

[kristallis]

A part of me can't help but wish this is some really sick and twisted April Fool's joke these two cooked up....

Please turn around and tell us your staying.

[rajidae]

/cry

[mirowr]

I'M GOING TO BE A WIDOW WHAT THE FUCK?!

Krazi & Miruuk I can still remember the first time we partied in Garlaige Citadel, I can't remember whether the xp was any good, but I remember you guys being so much fun just to talk with and chill with. I knew you were the kind of guys that I wanted to be around, the type of friends I wanted to have as I ran around Vana'diel pursuing anything and everything. With you guys gone I don't know if I have the will to play anymore, so please don't go, do it for me! I'm even willing to start all over with you guys if that makes anything more appealing... Think of what we could do as LVL1 players with millions of gil o.o;; I could take Axia and PL us whenever we want it could be alot of fun! Maybe bring some life back to the game, not bothering with any outsiders and just having a good time... Please reconsider

[Krazi]

You guys are all very sweet. I am having a hard time thinking of all the good times come and gone. I just think its time to shut'er down. I wont be gone all together. I havent deleted or sold anything of real value yet so who knows. I think staying away is the best option for me right now. ; ;

[Rivero]

I feel like quitting to. You two have been good friends. Just remember you got my support if you need it Krazi/Miruuk. Hope everything works out well for you guys if you decide to go with it.

[Krazi]

So, Miruuk gets his money back and is talking like sometime he will have to come back to the game. Of course its gonna be after a long deserved rest. That makes me happy, and sad at the same time. I'm happy that hes gonna eventually make a comeback of some quality. I'm sad, cuz I dont know where I'm at.

You see, if you didnt know, my leaving had very little to do with Miruuks. It was more of a convience for me or the last straw that made the decision so much easier. There is just to much other crap goin on for me in my life right now to unload so much time into this game.

Time? Hmmmm.... Some of you thought I was balancing my time well between, games, school, work, and my lovey g/f. I do believe you are right. I was. But let me ask you this. When you are given a task, especially life orientated/enhancing, do you just do as much as is needed to get by and stop there? I'm learning alot of cool shit at school. Wonderful media things that I could make some pretty cool stuff and put some smiles on some faces with a wonderfully created image, animation, website, or movie. I know some of my friends got a kick out of my legos/matrix animation. But that animation was medicore at best to me. Yes it took 70+ hours to make, but what would it have looked like with 100+ hours? Could it be something I am truely and absolutely proud of? IDK.

I guess my point is, I dont think I'm gonna be calling it quits just yet. Not all the way. I love you guys to much to do that to myself. But, I do need to focus. I would like to take some of my new knowledge and use it this summer. Experiment with things that I didnt have time to while in school, due to project due dates and such. I wanna enter some graphics contests on the net. Lol I wanna play some other games. My true being, and inspirations come from other games, anime, friends, movies, and wierd shit that happens in this world.

Sad thing is, this FFXI game doesnt really make room for part-timers in end game. I really wanna do some chi blasting on some gods and shit like that. But getting to log on for a good session maybe once a week, will not cut it from what I hear....Maybe that will be the beauty of EO. My friends will let me jump right in. Lol I wouldnt even mind being 75mnk/nin and just loggin in HNM zones and just claim the beasts for us, when I get a chance.

I had to let go of the hussle and bussle that this game was imposing upon me. The, I gotta keep up or get left behind mentality. Then I realized I have so many friends that are not even 50 yet. Thats exciting. Though I know Miruuk gets burnt out on the AF runs, I'm still enjoying being able to help out more than just another body to protect. Gives me a chance to try some stuff.

Now, getting up to 75. How the hell am I gonna do that? Static with Miruuks SMN and anyone else that knows full well that xp could only be a good 5 hours once a week, or could be a good 20 hours here and there. Depending on. I really dont care how long it is for. I dont even mind if its 3 ppl killing EM to T's for chaining xp. I'm sick of the losers in this game. And I'll go as slow as I have to, to see my good friends get stronger with me and become my blood brothers. A group that no matter what, is able to get out of some pretty hairy situations. And if they die. Its not fuck fuck you stupid ass holes. I hate this game. /em warps to hp and logs. Its more like. Man that one was tough. But next time if we did this we could get it. lol. I've pulled off some pretty crazy shit with miruuk and tempus before. But the best had to be with X. Two lvl 16 jobs in dunes duoing gobs for chains lol. Both of us were down to 2 hps at the end, and I think, I swear I say his life hit 0 right as a cure was placed upon him. My heart raced for a good minute. Ahhh good times.

Now is where I end the ramble. I'm not gone for ever just yet. Maybe I will be, maybe I wont be. Not sure. We will see how things go. I need to use some of my beastmen seals up lol. Anyway hope this answers any questions you guys might have. If not post them and I'd be more than happy to help you understand me. Thanks guys for the outpouring of love and support. You truly make FFXI the game, I for some stupid reason, cant put behind me.

Krazi.

[Itachisasuke]

Dude i am proud of you that you are putting your personal real life before this game. Many people are not able to do that. In using your time off i believe you will find it beneficial to your stress/problems/timeshare. I am super glad to hear your not just gonna up and leave us also. Ruuks SMN, my DRK, Purpleorchids WHM, your MNK, and Kris's PLD could static if your really wanted too considering I don't exp usually more than 8-10 hours a week anyway so that would coincide nicely with the time you have to play. You are obviously most welcome to log whenever u can and you are surely welcome to come on any NM hunt or mission that i am partaking in and i believe everyone else in the LS would agree. In my opinion as well as others we believe you and Miruuk are a great asset to the character of this LS and i'll be damned if i let you two slip through the cracks of stress and personal problems. We are here for both of you.. if u need time off you take it no big deal.. play when u can.. no big deal, leaving us behind ... BIG DEAL. I understand that RL and career oppurtunity take presidence over this game but we have yet so much to accomplish as a group LS in the game also. Whether it be once a month or once a week we still can have good times and still grow closer in friendships. Time is forever, sure we are gonna miss you during your break but the knowing that you are gonna come back is the drive that allows the rest of us to be happy. And in closing with regards to fun times and [EO] i shall use the immortal saying of Bachman Turner Overdrive "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!!!!!!!!"

[Markus]

I am happy to have you and Miruuk on board in any capacity. But I also understand how important other things can be. I will always say do what you have to do, do what is best for you...

[flyingsnow]

i was originally going to post this elsewhere (in miruuk's such a sad world thread) and even a few weeks ago, but i changed my mind. now that i've seen your latest post krazi, i just thought i'd let you know that you aren't alone... strangely enough, writing this felt like lifting a weight off my shoulders that had been placed there almost a year ago. i guess getting yourself out there to show others that they aren't alone really does a dual job of helping the other as well as yourself. so here's my post about this topic, although a bit outdated, i'ma post it anyways. and i'd appreciate privacy/discretion and no one asking me what had happened. that's between me and asira (my old mithra) who was deleted many months ago...

i know about stupid shit happening on a game that totally effects your entire life (which is just silly, but it does happen).

depression sets in. bad thoughts make life harder to wake up for. and you wonder why you've put so much of your life into one game. one silly game.

and you take a break, because that's all you can do. you say you're never coming back that you hate it and what it makes you feel whenever you even turn on the computer (or, in some of your cases, the play station). so you vow to just throw it all away. all of the time, work, friendships...everything.

but the thing is, it's always going to hurt. and throwing away good friendships makes it hurt worse. so taking a break to get life back on track is always the right thing to do. but running away because you're hurt might not be the best idea because there are so many people who would do anything to make sure you smile just once during the day.

as for you, krazi, i know what it's like to throw important things away to be a part of the game. and, yes, that is very very bad. i was throwing away my self worth and my ability to succeed and survive in graduate school. just because of a game and the way it made me feel about myself (which was not good in the least). and that's when you must weigh what's important in your life versus what's not. a career is one of the most important things to life. being able to succeed in life, on your own, and to create a life all your own is extremely important. so you have to set boundaries. make sure you do the things that have to get done. after my few months off and deleting two characters, i finally realized that ffxi had to be fifth to broken, my family, my friends, and my schooling. so i make sure that i do what needs to be done first. and when i have spare time, or i just miss the people, i'll play. it's all about learning time management and self-control. and if it took you screwing up something potentially great to learn this valuable lesson, be glad that it was now and not when it really counts (i.e. screwing over some work deadline to go out with your friends on an nm run just to get fired in the end). so take some time and learn from your mistakes. be with your friends. work hard in school and at work, and life will be ok. and perhaps krazi will make his grand appearance again.

-snow-

ok, so that was it. nothing too grand or life-altering for you, but it took me a long time to learn how to balance life and this stupid game (as well as other things that life has to offer vs. school). and the only thing that seems to be sucking me back in is the fact that my fiance is a good 1200 miles away and this is one of the only ways we can interact with one another. that's why i am on only when he is (and vice versa - except when he's whoring himself out to make us moola for our joint checking account). but my biggest piece of advice: be with your girl. i'm sure she misses you.

good luck!

-snow-

[Krazi]

thanks snow.

[tempus]

[off-topic]
Flying's advice is quite good, but it does remind me of how little she will play this game when she and broken are together. Which just makes me sad. =(
[/off-topic]

Was great talking to you in-game saturday night dude, hope to do it again soon.

-t

[Markus]

The game itself is fantasy, but the people are real.

It's the combination of fantasy and companionship that makes the game so much fun. But just like in real life, you learn to deal with loss quickly. How many have we lost? How many have said we would never lose them?

...

I guess, at the end of the day, what is most important to you, is most important to me. Your kids, your school, your profession, your relationships...